What I learned this weekend: if you have a migraine headache, don’t get in the backseat of a station wagon for a 2 hour drive to France along windy, curvy European roads, then go on a 6 mile hike, and then return home along the same windy, curvy roads.
From: Fluffy, aka “She Who Learns Things the Hard Way”
(Post inspired by a comment I just wrote). If you watched the news at all last week, you probably know about the nailbiter of an election for Germany. One of the platforms was unemployment. Germany apparently has a whopping 5 million residents who are unemployed. Given the relatively small size of the country, that’s a problem of the SuperSize variety. With that thought, I would like to offer my opinion as a soon-to-be American ex-pat living in Germany broken down into 3 easy steps.
1. Freaking finish construction jobs! You could hire probably 500,000 currently unemployed people to supplement the pathetically tiny and slow construction crews here. Projects would be done in hours or days instead of years. No where else in the world have I visited where you see a sign today that says “Completion date: June 2009″. They have been working on making a 2 lane into a 4 lane near my house ever since I arrived here 15 months ago. The majority of the time, no one is working at all. Equipment simply gathers dust. And the problem is worse here because when they close a road (for example, to pave a 200 meter stretch which according to their schedule will take 6 months), there is often little or no detour option. I recently left Hahn airport only to discover that my road was suddenly closed without so much as a warning sign. One hour and 30 extra miles later, I’d taken their “detour”. So by creating more construction jobs, they will not only reduce unemployment but greatly improve the morale and sanity of all people who use their roads. Nevermind on the banality of fining truck drivers to use the autobahn, that will be another post.
2. Now that they have construction workers, build border control huts all along the German border. Then hire people to work as border control agents. AND ACTUALLY HAVE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE. Yes, they have plenty of border control checks but the vast majority of them are empty. Not only will this create jobs, but it will help them control the enormous influx of illegals from former Soviet states from entering the country and taking jobs from actual Germans, as well as living off the fat of the land via Germany’s outrageous social benefits/welfare/kindergeld programs. I have travelled all over this continent and you know how many times I’ve been asked to see my passport? Once - and that was only because I sweetly asked the border guard at the Czech border if he’d be so kind as to give me a stamp for a souveneir.
3. Cut the previously mentioned social benefits. It’s apparently better in Germany to be unemployed than actually have a blue-collar type job, simply based on the generous unemployment benefits. I’d post my real thoughts on the kindergeld program (money that they pay to women to make babies, seriously) but that’s a bit much for one day.
It’s kind of sad, really. At age 9 or 10, children are classified into 3 categories which will determine their entire future. For those kids who are deemed intelligent enough to one day attend college, or enter a trade such as welding or carpentry, lucky them. For the remainder, they get to become the future’s unskilled workers and thus 5 million unemployed.
My very early morning flight left at 6:30am, which meant I needed to wake up no later than 3am in order to get there on time. Being me, I laid in bed until 3:30am before finally crawling out. This delay had nearly disasterous consequences as I encountered horrific fog that forced me to drive much more slowly than usual. RyanAir is very nazi-esque when it comes to their 40 minute check-in time and I think I finally showed up 37 minutes before departure. However, this employee was kind and gave me a boarding pass anyway. I think the fact that I only had a backpack and was panting from running from parking lot 7 gave me some sympathy leeway.
Mr. Wednesday showed up at the Ciampino airport shortly after I did and we took a bus into town for only 1 Euro. That would be the cheapest thing on our entire trip. Our hotel, known as “Hotel Exedra, a Boscolo Luxury Hotel” and a 5 star to boot, was quite a disappointment. The room was very nice but devoid of simple luxuries such as washclothes and a shower that didn’t leak water all over the floor. Calls to housekeeping brought only more bath towels, which kept disappearing when they did the late afternoon turn-down service. I know, I know, as a devotee of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe, I should have brought my own towel. Most amusing of all was that from the front of the hotel, it appears to take up an entire block around the Repubblica Plaza traffic circle. Actually, it shares that building with a movie theatre and a McDonald’s. No kidding. How’s that for luxury? At least they had free snacks in the lobby.
We wandered thru one of the many St Maria basilicas in town and also hit the Baths of Diocletian before our afternoon bus tour picked us up. The tour was pretty good but definitely catered to the senior citizen crowd. St Paul’s Basilica (resting place of my favorite male saint) was absolutely stunning and I thoroughly enjoyed strolling thru what’s left of the Senate. The tour ended at the Coliseum and Constantine’s Arch, but did not include admission, which was a bit of a disappointment. We went back to the hotel for a brief rest before our evening tour was scheduled to start. We took a look at the hotel’s highly touted “roof terrace pool” which turned out to be little more than a shopping mall fountain. Really, it was shallow and tiny and provided a view of a dirty apartment across the street with laundry hanging on a clothesline. Can we say false advertising? We waited nearly an hour for them to pick us up, their reason for tardiness being “heavy traffic outside the hotel”. I looked outside and traffic was flowing freely. A van finally showed up and drove us…1 block to the bus pick-up. We could’ve walked that and had another hour in the hotel! Argh. Turns out dinner wasn’t even going to start until 11pm, so we just left the tour feeling that we needed sleep and food instead of an evening bus drive. We found a tasty little restaurant near the hotel and called it a night.
Friday morning, we went to the Vatican. Good thing we got in line early because the line gets really long. Not as bad as the Lourve and certainly quicker, but still long. The Vatican Museum was amazing and the highlight of course was the Sistine Chapel. I’m not going to describe it in detail, or really anything else, because to fully appreciate it you just have to see it for yourself. The only drawback is that the guards periodically say “Sshhhh” very loudly and then clap 3 times. Gets annoying after a while. Also, your neck will be sore from staring at the ceiling but it’s the most worthwhile pain you will ever suffer.
St Peter’s Square was next, including the Basilica. My oh my, was it ever lovely. I was also quite moved when walking thru the crypts of the Popes, including our beloved John Paul II. His tomb is humble, but beautiful in its simplicity. We had a quick lunch and headed back to the hotel for Mr. Wednesday’s spa treatment and an afternoon nap for myself. We slept a bit too long though and wound up rushing to the Coliseum to tour it before closing. The Coliseum is also quite remarkable and had some very interesting exhibits. Trust me, it’s worth the 10 Euro entrance fee. We then sprinted to the Pantheon only to arrive there at closing, but I snuck forward just enough to peek inside and take a photo. Truthfully, it wasn’t as spectular as I hoped, but it turned out to be a worthwhile trip because we got to watch some Hare Krishnas singing and dancing. They were having so much fun and a large crowd of us enjoyed cheering them on. A fellow pulling a horse & buggy full of tourists steered right thru them and knocked one of the dancers down, in possibly one of the rudest things I have ever witnessed. The man was only dazed for a minute or two, then resumed dancing. Next stop was the Trevi Fountain, where both Mr. Wednesday and I did the 3 coin over the shoulder ritual which ensures a speedy return to Rome and some other goodies mentioned in the guide book. A scoop or two of gelato later, we headed back to the metro only to discover it was closed. WTF mate? A subway that closes at 9:40pm on a Friday night in one of the major cities of the world? Fortunately, I had brought along a map so we walked back to the hotel.
Saturday, we took a bus tour to Pompei which included a quick tour of Naples, the dirtiest city I have seen to date. Pompei was the coolest, most incredible place I have ever seen, hands-down. Consider that I travel quite a bit, so it’s a real compliment. It is worth every penny and the long ride there. You will not be disappointed. You can actually walk into the ruins and touch them, imagine living there, etc., unlike Athens, where they blow whistles at you for getting too close to the bar that keeps you 50 ft away from the ruins. They have some plaster models of victims, which were morbidly fascinating. It kind of disturbed me to see them, but there are also many friendly stray dogs in the area that sort of rejuvenate life into the place. We got home very late in the midst of a heavy downpour of rain, but still the rest part of the trip by far.
Sunday, Mr. Wednesday left bright and early, so I stayed at the hotel another hour or two because my flight was later. The concierge didn’t seem to know as much as he should, since he told us the subway didn’t start running until 6:30am, which was too late for me to get to the airport on time. I instead figured out a risky train & bus route and decided to leave early for the long walk to the train depot. Lo and behold, I had the foresight to check the subway at 5:50am. It was running! Whoo-hoo! My trip to the airport only cost 2 Euros instead of a 40 Euro cab. But this was interesting: most of the passengers were Italian teenagers wearing clothes that were soaked nearly to the knees, probably a result of all the rain. They were dressed in clubbing clothes and all looked exhausted. It was kind of surreal to see them at 6am instead of say, 10 pm. I guess Italians really know how to party because 6am seems a bit extreme for me. They took the subway all the way to its end and then got into their cars at the parking garage. I hope they made it home safely as some of them looked really tired.
So, to summarize, my tips for Rome are to:
1. Stay in a hostel or Holiday Inn
2. Don’t take any tours except for one to Pompei.
3. Bring a good city guide book and map, including public transportion info.
4. And above all, bring your own towel.
Sunday, we slept in and decided to head back into the city to see things we had missed on our first day. Our first stop was for lunch. I was delighted that we had a very attractive waiter who brought us all the complimentary water we wanted. After spending the last year in Germany where a small glass of water costs roughly $3 and no refills, we were most grateful. I also had the best lamb I’ve ever eaten. It was so tender that I did not even need a knife. We found a special Sunday only flea market which sold the widest variety of stuff I have ever seen. Keep in mind that I lived for a year in Korea, but this Athenian market tops even Nandemun and Dandemun (sp?). I saw everything from dishwashers and shower heads to motorcycle luggage nets and surplus American military gear. We also saw three young men running, apparently for their lives. Then we saw two cops running after them - the customs police! The young men were selling black market Louis Vuitton and D&G purses and I have to give them credit for their methods. They actually wear most of the purses and for items too large to wear, they lay on a large sheet. When customs police come after them, they grab the four corners of the sheet, make it into a bundle, and run at speeds that should make Olypmians blush. Mad props to them. I fully support anyone who cheats tacky designer crap that runs for $10,000 simply because it has some fruity guy’s initials on it. Instead of police finding real criminals, they chase down street vendors who have to make a living somehow.
Anyway, after the market we headed to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier for the changing of the guard. Ladies will especially like this - extraordinarily attractive Greek men (hello, Adonis) wearing poofy skirts and pom pom shoes, marching very high and leaving little to the imagination. One of the guards was the very same one pictured in my guide book and of course I took photos next to him. We then relaxed with ice cream cones in the National Gardens and watched a guy fly a trash bag. I swear that is exactly what he was doing. He filled a huge Hefty bag with bag, tied a string to it, and wandered around literally flying a trash bag. So if you are looking for a business venture in Athens, may I suggest opening a kite store?
We went back to the hotel, intending to take a dip in the ocean, but the beach was rocky and actually quite gross. Instead, we settled for wading just to say that we touched the sea. We had more souvlaki for dinner and bought some luscious chocolate pastries for dessert.
Monday was pretty boring. We checked out of the hotel, found some quick lunch, and spend the remainder of our time sipping Starbucks frappichinos on what we think is Greece’s version of Rodeo Drive. The flight back was uneventful and enjoyable, thanks to the free wine, and the Prague airport was entertaining enough. I think we were home by midnight with no adverse effects other than listening too much to some silly Greek music we bought at the airport.
All in all, Athens is highly recommended. Though if you are faint of heart, make sure your hotel doesn’t have free porn.
Okie dokie, here goes the saga of my Greece trip with my pal LSU (we used to work together until I moved to a new office) over Labor Day weekend.
Friday - I spent the morning and afternoon cleaning the house, doing laundry, and packing. LSU showed up around 3pm and after an obligatory tour of my oh-so-fabulous house, we headed to Frankfurt. After taking a couple of wrong turns onto various autobahns, we made it to Rhein Main without a hitch. Lo and behold, the free shuttle bus was there and waiting. So we parked only to watch it drive away 10 minutes early. Alas, that was the last bus of the day. Not wanting to shuck out 20 Euros on a cab, we wanted to a nearby hotel and pretended to be guests in order to use their free shuttle. I know, bad Fluffy, but we were really trying to do Athens on the cheap since our flight tickets were so outrageous. The shuttle was waiting but we went inside for the restroom. When we came out, it was gone. Ugh. Half an hour later of waiting and dodging the stench of a Air National Guard units’ multitude of cigarettes, we were on our way. Turns out our plane was 25 minutes late so no worries about rushing to the gate. We flew Czech Airlines and let me give them some well deserved publicity - the Frankfurt/Prague legs of our trip were the most comfortable and pleasant flights I have ever taken. The Prague/Athens routes were a little more crowded but still very nice. The food is excellent and they will serve you large plastic cups of quite decent wine. After all that wine, LSU and I slept soundly thru our red-eye flight, only to be awakened by the cackles of what we thought were giddy high schoolers. Nope. It was just three very big fat Greek women who apparently never learned common courtesy. Ever seen an entire planeload of people glaring at three big fat Greek women? Funny stuff.
It was 3am by this point and the public bus that made a stop by our hotel happened to be waiting. Having learned our lesson about busses earlier in the trip, we climbed on. Sure enough, about 30 seconds later the bus took off. The driver was really nice and waved at us when we reached our stop (I think we were both half asleep and too tired to read Greek bus stop signs). Oh, being in a college sorority really helped in reading Greek signs. Our “budget” hotel was quite pleasant. Upon arriving and settling into bed, LSU turned on the TV and shouted “Hey cool!” I turned to see what the ruckus was: free hard core porn. American porn, no less, with Greek subtitles. Nice.
Saturday - woke up groggy and the hotel lady gave us free breakfast after we chatted with her a while (saved us each 5 Euro, in spirit of our “Athens on the cheap” goal). We took the bus into town and simply wandered around for a while as most of our guide books suggested waiting until mid afternoon to hit the Acropolis. We saw Hadrian’s Arch and the Temple of Zeus, then found a charming cafe for lunch. Stuff in Athens is very reasonably priced, too. I could stand it no longer and so we headed to the Acropolis. WOW. It really is something else and part of its appeal is a bit bittersweet in that you are kind of sad to consider what it must have been like in all its glory. The Parthenon really is stunning and you can get fairly close to the steps. People from all over the world were there, and we had a lovely cultural bonding moment when taking some goofy pictures while two Japanese men watched and laughed. The only drawback is that employees carry whistles and blow them at the drop of a hat. We thought it was extremely rude and kind of spoils the mood, but oh well. The Caryatids (columns shaped like women) are actually fakes and the real ones are inside the small Acropolis museum.
We went thru the Theatre of Dionysus and looped back to Mars Hill for a stunning view of the city. I took a photo of the entire hill of men staring at a very attractive woman wearing a very short skirt that was revealing very much due to a very strong Greek breeze. Women there are strange - all tourists seemed to be wearing high heels and with all of the rocks and steep steps, that is a terrible idea. I was comfy in my Sketchers. Afterwards, we headed down to the Agora and had a blast taking silly pictures next to statues. We figured if we were going to have the whistles blown at us, we might as well make it for something good. The Agora is nice but mostly broken down. We stopped for some frappes and smoothies from a sidewalk cafe, then headed to the Keratirium. Not sure what it was, but it was free with our Acropolis ticket. It turned out to be more broken columns and statues, but we did come across 2 turtles fighting. A French couple sauntered up and watched with us. Suddenly the turtles began, um, mating, which inspired a simultaneous gasp from all 4 of us. Another lovely multi-cultural moment, Americans and the French watching the love life of turtles. Of course we all look pictures. How often do you see turtles getting it on in an ancient Greek forum?
We found a local souvlaki (sort of a gyros pita) place and oh was it delicious. Then we wandered around the streets for a while, looking for cheap crappy souveneirs and coming up nill. WTF? Every other country I’ve visited has some crappy standard gift. China had the chairman Mal watches, Venice the gondola boatmen, Prague Infant of Prague corkscrews, etc. No big deal though. By this time we were purely exhausted and headed back to the hotel.
Part II forthcoming. I had my wisdom teeth out yesterday and I feel too woozy to type anymore. Plus, they hurt and people are starting to stare at me because the swelling makes me look like a hamster.